why do relationships fail after 7 years

We've all heard of the seven-year itch. Since a popular movie by the same name was released in 1955, the concept of the
has been a widely accepted phenomenon. It is based on the belief that many couples start to get antsy and lose interest in their significant others around the seven-year mark. There's no consensus among experts as to why the seven-year itch may occur. Perhaps it's a matter of timing: after seven years, some couples will have successfully raised one or two children through the trying infant years, only to realize that they don't really want to be together any longer. Or by the seven year mark, some couples may have spent enough time together that the relationship is no longer exciting and all of those pesky habits and traits that were tolerable through the first few years of the relationship are now like nails on a chalkboard (a. k. a. intolerable).


Other theories suggest that our bodies and minds develop and change every seven years. Austrian philosopher and teacher Rudolf Steiner created a theory of human development based on that were associated with astrology. According to his theories, humans experience changes physically and mentally every seven years. It makes some sense that if we experience large changes in personal growth, experience, knowledge and goals every seven years, that these changes will make a marriage less stable and increase the probability of divorce.


I was in a relationship for almost seven years. I started seeing him before I turned 17, and he was 24. Without getting too into it (because it's a LONG ass novel), I was very sheltered growing up. I wasn't allowed to do alot of stuff, and I didn't know about alot of stuff, either (the amount of stuff i knew about sex would fit in a mouse's thimble). I was very much a child then. He was my first real relationship. I was so excited that someone had actually liked me that I overlooked a lot of things.


We didn't have sex regularly - maybe twice a month or so - but I didn't know that that wasn't normal. It was almost like I lived with my older brother. There were no signs of affection at all - he said he loved me, but I think he said it because he felt he had to. He didn't hug me, didn't kiss me, and the sex wasn't really that great. This may sound very naive, but no one ever told me that I could leave if I wasn't happy. I knew that if he beat me, or talked down to me, or whatever else, that I could leave - I knew it was ok then. But no one ever said to me, You can leave because you're unhappy.


The straw was when I suggested staying with a friend for a month or so to decompress (i had been unemployed for a while, no car, no money, no sex in a long time, no intimacy, depression, that sort). His response - and I quote - was but how will I pay the bills? Nevermind that I wasn't bringing in any money anyway. but he never said I love you - please don't go or anything mentioning the L word. I knew then that I couldn't stay at all. I moved out a week later. I would have stayed if he said I love you, so I suppose it did work in my favor that he didn't say it. Long story short - we were two completely different people at the beginning, and we grew apart.


It also didn't help matters that he was my very first ANYTHING, so I looked to him to be a teacher/mentor/lover. And at the same time, he just wanted a girlfriend. To this day, I still can't tell you if he loved me or not. But I did love him. I wouldn't trade that whole experience for anything. Don't be scared of taking a chance because you're scared of heartbreak. Yeah, heartbreak hurts like hell. but if love was the same slow tempo throughout it's course, you'd get tired of dancing after the fifth song and go find another club. posted by at on December 17, 2005 [