why do people play games in relationships
Is there a place for games in relationships? Yes if it s for sex or because you actually don t want the relationship to succeed. If you actually do want the relationship to work, game-playing will just ensure that you sabotage it. People tend to play games because they genuinely believe that this is what you need to do and because they want to gain an advantage, get one over, have the upper hand over a partner. Sometimes you can get away with it, but more often than not, no matter how clever you think you re being, it s likely that your actions have registered on the manipulative scale and this puts you on a very bad footing. If you play games in relationships, you re actually quite insecure.
You don t trust in things taking a more natural route so you attempt to manipulate the proceedings and the outcome. Whilst you may consider your actions to be quite innocent, most gameplayers would not like the tables turned on them. The trouble is that there are a lot of people playing games out there and this does lead people to believe that this is standard fare in the dating world if the fittest are to survive. It also ensures that the game players vulnerabilities are limited. It s one thing if you have succumbed occasionally to playing these games but the likelihood is that it s a dating behaviour of yours, which is limiting your ability to engage in relationships. You can t be yourself You won t actually know if the recipient of your behaviour is behaving accordingly because it s what they want to do naturally or because they are knee-jerking to your behaviour, which means that the perception of the person or the relationship can become skewed.
You ruin other people s ability to trust and judge relationship situations. You ruin your own ability to trust and judge relationship situations. Dating becomes a sport, which means that you will become less emotionally available, more of a commitment-phobe and more attracted to the emotionally unavailable, which means that it all becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of doomed relationships anyway. I don t for one moment suggest that people run around wearing their heart on their sleeves, but I do suggest that if you are looking to be in a relationship that involves honesty, trust, open communication, love and care, that you save the game playing for rainy Sunday afternoons when you need to get the Scrabble out or Doctors and Nurses in the bedroom.
Whether habit or as a means to an end, playing games seldom furthers a relationship.
Playing head games often cause ill feelings once the person on the receiving end becomes aware. So, why do people play games and what are common games that people play? Finding out why people play games and the typical games that people play may help you curb an urge to use a covert mind technique on your partner or to determine when someone is engaging in game-playing behavior.
According to Dr. Eric Berne, the author of Games People Play, the basic reason for game playing in relationships is to acquire something desired. Wanting an emotional or a tangible reward presents a reason to use covert tactics. Some games have become such a part of the personality that the gamer hardly realizes she is involved in a game of psychological cat and mouse. For thousands of years women have played the highly erotic game of hard to get. Ms. A becomes attracted to Mr. B. They talk, flirt, exchange pertinent information, and he asks for her number.
With rising stakes comes emotional collateral. She really wants him to call, yet she does not want to appear too eager. She dodges, he pursues, and she finally gives him her number. Fast forward a few days and he calls and asks her for a date. She feigns being busy and does not answer the phone. She waits to see if he calls back. When he does, the ebb and flow of the conversation continues the game. Finally, she accepts his invitation for diner and a movie. Why did Ms. A bother playing hard to get? She, like most women and men, enjoy the chase, but there is more to the game. When someone appears aloof, they become a challenge to the opposite sex creating a mystery that makes him or her more appealing.
- Autor: HellenHarwell
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