why do my parents hate me and love my brother

My brother took his own life on 7 nov. To say its the most painful thing my family and I have had to go through, it would be an understatement. My husband and I travelled home from Sydney to port Macquarie the day it happened, to be with my parents during this devastating time. We stayed and comforted each other, we helped with the funeral arrangements, we helped plan the wake. In every sense of the word, I was thrown into adulthood and for the first time I didnt feel like the baby of the family, despite being 28. My brother was only 32.


His death was sudden and unexpected. He had just bough his new home, was living life or so we thought. I felt during that week my parents and I came together and although there were intense emotions, there was no anger. It has been 53 days since his death. We came home for Christmas. I m not sure what I expected. I knew there would be tears, I knew Christmas would be hard. I never expected that my mum would not be able to stand the sight of me. When we arrived home, things were ok, strained but ok, and I figured this was normal.


My mum said to me I couldn t buy for you this year, not without being able to buy for Christian. Instead I have just bought for the baby
This didnt even bother me, and I knew why she felt this way. How difficult to buy for your daughter when your son is dead. Things escalated from here. My mum is so angry at me, at everything. Over the past 8 days I ve been told how selfish I am, how controlling I am. We have had several huge arguments over things that should never have escalated to that. I feel like, if she could, she would trade me if it meant having my brother back.


I love my brother dearly, but like every sibling, every human being, they re not perfect. We all have our flaws, yet Christian is being remembered a saint and I m being remembered a bitch of a daughter. It s so difficult for me. I m dealing with the death of my brother, but also the collapse of what was once a beautiful relationship with my mother. She has made comments like i worry about you having this baby due to lack of sleep and coping. Comments like that are not supportive and are self destructive.


I feel she is deliberately trying to hurt me, this is not the mum I know. The mum I know is over the top supportive and loving. It s like she doesn t know how to love me anymore and the easiest thing is to lash out and hurt me. Again, like I have said in my other posts, I am sorry to post here, but I don t know where else to turn. I don t see my psychologist until 30 jan, it s a long way to go until I can speak to a professional. I know you are all probably going to tell me that deep down she does love me, she is just having trouble dealing with his death, and part of me acknowledges that, but part of me is also my mothers child, and it really hurts.


Do you feel that your parents favor one of your siblings? --From Michael, 13 Unfortunately, these pages are no longer accepting new posts. We are so proud of the IML community for creating such a wonderful place to exchange stories, opinions, and advice. We hope you'll check out all the great comments that have already been posted, and that we'll be able to take new submissions again in the future.