why do older men have affairs with younger women

Here's what I think about the Match. com thing: When I see a man list an age parameter for a potential partner, I put this in the same category as all the other things people write about themselves and what they want. This is called, "I am sitting at home/in the office in front of my computer. I am having an out-of-body experience triggered by questions on the screen like 'Indicate Your Perfect Match: Body Type, Age, Monetary and Real Estate Holdings, Sexual Flexibility Awards, etc. The Little Match. com Genie that lives in the computer will grant you your every wish. All you have to do is click away.


Then the emails will come pouring in. '" Why wouldn't any sane person go for broke?
I am a 25 year old woman having an affair with a 39 year old married man. We have been steadily seeing eachother for about 3 months now. He has three kids between 7 and 11 years old. He is married, but has been out of love for about 3-4 years now, she sleeps upstairs and he sleeps in the basement. He hasn't taken the final step to just move out because after talking to his wife about sharing the kids one week on, one week off, she states she cannot bear to be away from the children like that, meaning a custody battle would ensue should he move.


I have seen a picture of her, and she has let herself go, doesn't even try to look attractive, but has made her entire life about the children, while he is active outdoors, and has taken care of himself. He and I connect on an intellectual level, and of course a sexual level. We text throuough most of the entire day, every day. We chat about deep topics, light topics, his kids, etc. He calls me every day on his way home from work. We meet up once or twice a week for dinners out, drinks, or movies. He is very engaged in our conversations and opens up to me about his entire life.


I know he gets jealous if I allude to getting another male's attention or something like that. For Valentine's day I sent him a picture of chocolates and a card (from my dad) and he called me immediately, made small talk, and quickly got around to asking who the gifts were from. He also asked the day before if I had any boyfriend prospects for Valentine's day. He went on to tell me he'd understand if I wanted something more than what he was giving me (emotionally). I feel like he says these things for the sake of saying them, but when I hint at another guy or male attention, he does act slightly jealous.


I know at this point his main goal is to not make a mess of his situation, but is working toward sucking it up, moving out and dealing with the mess. He has stated he does not want to hurt my feelings intentionally, and through this I know a genuine relationship is not a possibility, and I am 100% okay with this, but I also know we have something very different together. I realize that he is filling a void and he enjoys the attention I am giving him, especially considering he hasn't gotten any in several years. In my mind, I obviously can't forsee any bumps in the road between us, but I do think that down the road (a year or more), that things have the possibility of changing for us into a real relationship, particulary considering his emotional ties to his wife have been severed long ago.


As far as I'm concerned, I am completely present and open with him (as he is with me), but I'm not letting myself "fall" for him, as this would be unwise in our situation, however I have experience enough to know this is a very real and rare connection. I understand this may or may not happen, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts.