why do older men prefer younger women
WHY do older dudes like em young? So many ladies ask me what is up with older men younger women. There is actually an evolutionary psychological theory surrounding this common "phenomenon". There have been many studies conducted exploring the reasons behind older men dating younger woman. One of them published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology, looked at 400 romantic ads in the Swedish newspapers GГteborgs-Posten and Aftonbladet and on the websites
and. Men in all categories prefer younger partners. Of a total of 97 men who mentioned age in their ads, only three were looking for an older partner в among men aged 40 to 59, only one out of 67. Women I've interviewed between the ages of 40 and 70 largely believe men their age are not interested in dating someone their own age. Studies show older men prefer youth and beauty first for mate selection and women choose men who offer resources and stability. It's no surprise there are a number of websites emerging and profiting from these "mutually benefiting". The "successful older man" seeking "young attractive female" is common place. Let's reveal a few of the reasons behind older men dating younger women. 1. He's Having A Mid-Life Crisis Well this is an easy explanation. Men, who feel they've been "tied down" for far too long or what he considers a of obligation, feel as if he's been cheated of his youth and his "fun years. " It's as if he seeks a younger woman to replace his older model ( ) and convince himself somehow that dating a younger woman will bring back his youthfulness and give him a second chance to have fun again. A gentleman dating a younger woman is not like a time machine. This is about the same time he spends his money more freely on extravagant man toys, replaces his wardrobe, invests in hair club for men and maybe hires a personal trainer. Some men date younger woman to prove to themselves they haven't lost his touch. 2. He Wants Kids I've encountered many men over 40 who admit to wanting more kids в regardless of the fact that they might've already raised a few. They believe that dating a younger woman, in this case, is a requirement (or excuse) to decrease the odds of any birth defects or health risks. If an older man hasn't had the chance to father a child, he seeks a younger woman for this specific purpose. This seems more like a fostering plan for some, but some men want to carry on their legacy with children of their own. Men have biological clocks, too, if you didn't already know. They assume older women can't safely have children. 3. He Assumes All Women His Age Are Like His Ex As the saying goes, "Once burnt, twice shy. " Some men have this ridiculous belief women their own age are all the same. I'll share an example. If he's had a bad experience with his partner going through menopause, frankly it scares the crap out of him to think about having to go through it all over again with someone new. Menopause seems to be the cause of many failed marriages (or at least that's what some men I've talked with blame it on). If he's ever been online dating or on a few sour blind dates with a woman who's still bitter about her, he suddenly thinks they're ALL like that. Younger women, who have never been in a serious relationship or "tainted" by a bad marriage, seem like a great option for an older man seeking a stress and drama-free relationship. Unfortunately for him, his assumptions about dating a younger woman being "hassle-free" may be very, very wrong. Most relationships require work and cooperation to make them successful. Thankfully not all older men seek younger women for a relationship.
When you consider what makes a successful long-term, healthy relationship last, age is just one consideration in a number of relationship factors to consider. Be sure to "The Ultimate A-Z guide to Attracting and Keeping Your Soulmate" if you're looking for love. I got a cheeky anonymous email recently: I'd like to commission an article on the plight of sexually invisible middle aged men. I thought you'd be the perfect person to do it. As an insult, it was a mildly clever thing to say to a 44-year-old writer. But it reminded me of the reality that aging men do experience anxiety about our own diminishing attractiveness. It's hardly news to point out that men are about their bodies than ever before, but the fear of visibly aging is no longer limited to women, if it ever was. The truth is, however, that the sexual invisibility felt by many older men is really about becoming less attractive to young women. It's a lament I've heard from many of my male peers, who complain that they don't get checked out as often as they claim they once did. Young women look at me and they see someone who looks like their Dad, my friend Sean said. They may still smile, but there's no flirtation or desire behind it. Women over 35 often report the same thing. The difference is that most 40-something women aren't lamenting the fact that they don't turn the heads of college boys. Many of them would just like to turn the heads of guys their own age. Not so for their male peers, many of whom are busy chasing substantially younger women. Middle-aged men don't seem to value validation from women their own age as much as they value it from women 10 to 25 years younger. This isn't just opinion. It was borne out in the now-infamous results of the, which found that in the world of online dating, men seemed almost universally interested in pursuing substantially younger women. Men's desired age range for potential matches was dramatically skewed against their chronological peers. A typical 42 year-old-man, for example, would be willing to date a woman as young as 27 (15 years younger than himself) but no older than 45 (just three years older. ) And as OkCupid discovered, men regularly devoted most of their attention to women at the very youngest end of their stated range в and frequently messaged female members who were well beneath that. When I sent out a request for stories about this phenomenon, I heard many like this, from Veronica, age 37: When I was first dating online in my late 20s, I got hundreds of emails a week. Eight years later, even though my pictures are better and my accomplishments more substantial, I get only a quarter as many. Most of the guys I hear from are over 50. Women in their 20s, including those who set firm upper-age limits, report being inundated by messages from men who are far older than that stated preference. Sarah, 25, noted that these guys invariably claimed to be atypical 35 (or 45) year-olds: They ask me to disregard my upper age limit, just for them - make an exception, they're different, really. They offer me their security and stability (financial and otherwise) in exchange for sharing my own passion and energy. Like they've 'checked-out' and want me to bring them back in. Amelia, 28, wrote: I see lots of men online over 35 who are looking for women 18-30. I wish they knew how big a turn-off that is. If you can't handle your peers, then you can't handle me. But she also pointed out that the transparency of older men's insecurity has a side benefit: Maybe it's a public service (that these men so obviously pursue inappropriately younger women). If they lied and said they were interested in women their own age too, I might actually respond.
The obvious question is why so few men are interested in dating women their own age. It's not as if middle-aged women are equally obsessed with younger men. Though many women in their 30s and 40s report occasional contacts from much-younger guys ( cougar-trolling, as one friend calls it), the OKCupid data indicates that women are much more interested in dating guys their own age. In the effort to prove that they can still attract younger women, middle-aged men are the ones who are rendering their peers sexually invisible. Media critic Jennifer Pozner points out that part of the problem is the premature aging of older women in Hollywood. Take Fireflies in the Garden, the 2008 film in which 43-year-old Julia Roberts plays the mother of 34 year-old Ryan Reynolds. Or look at the late lamentable reality show Age of Love, which featured a grotesque competition between kittens in their 20s and cougars in their 40s. As Pozner wrote in her book Reality Bites Back, The kittens hang out in their apartment hula-hooping in bikinis, while the cougars sew needlepoint, read, and do the laundry (because that's what worn-out old crones do. ) Combine the media's de-sexualization of women over 40 with the never-ending celebration of May-December celebrity couplings, and the signal to men is that the validation they crave can only come from younger women. The reasons older men chase younger women have less to do with sex and everything to do with a profound desire to reassure ourselves that we've still got it. It isn't just physical attractiveness; it is the whole masculine package of youth, vitality, and, above all else, possibility. It's not that women our own age are less attractive, it's that they lack the culturally-based power to reassure our fragile, aging egos that we are still hot and hip and filled with potential. Inspiring desire in women young enough to be our daughters becomes the most potent of all anti-aging remedies, particularly when we can show off our much younger dates to our peers. The famous little red sports car reveals only the size of our bank account; attracting a girl barely out of her teens (or, if we're in our fifties, barely out of her twenties) validates the enduring power of our youthful appeal. Older women are encouraged to fight what one called the slow slide into sexual invisibility not only with cosmetics, but with the realistic acceptance of their own aging. For many women, what ages right along with them is the type of man to whom they're attracted. As Amy, 43, put it, I don't mind that most guys in their 20s or 30s don't flirt with me anymore. They aren't what I'm looking for anyway. Her sentiments jive with the OK Cupid data that shows that most women over 35 want to date men who are their same age. But that same data shows that men fight the same slow slide with frantic denial, a denial that manifests itself in a compulsive need to pursue women substantially younger than themselves, all the while pleading to be seen as atypical for their age. We may all want to still be hot when we're on the high side of 40. The question is, to whom do we want to be sexually visible? For too many straight men, it seems, the sexual validation of their female peers is less ego-soothing than the kind that they believe can only come from much younger women. Hugo Schwyzer is a professor of gender studies and history at Pasadena City College and a nationally-known speaker on sex, relationships, and masculinity. He blogs at and co-authored the autobiography of Carr Otis, Beauty, Disrupted.
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